But that’s okay. That’s good! Motherhood is a miracle of its own, it doesn’t have to happen by biology. The first place we give birth from is the heart. Some moms are blessed to give birth twice, from the heart and from their bodies, others only give birth from their hearts.
It’s not a lesser birth, though. Regular adoption and spiritual adoption are just as strong.
Motherhood by spiritual adoption is all I know about motherhood at this stage in my life. I’m not married yet, I suffer from several hormonal issues that might be an obstacle to getting pregnant in the future, but I have given birth from my heart so even if I may never get pregnant, I have children to love who love me back.
To add to that delight, my fiance accepts my children in my life and appreciates them as people. They love him, too.
If you are like me, a mother by adoption or by spiritual motherhood, do me a favor: from now on, when you wake up in the morning, smile to yourself in the mirror and stop beating yourself up for being different, for not being able to conceive, and so on — you can still adopt, foster and be a spiritual mom to any person you feel a mother-child connection with.
Don’t make an empty belly or the weight of diversity affect you. You ARE a mom. You’ve got a heart-full of motherlove!
The Story of Mandi and I
Mandi is the spiritual daughter I’m closest with. I call her ‘Baby Mandi’, my angel in disguise.
We were friends before we realized we were meant to be mother and child. I had already adopted other children spiritually, but what happened with Mandi had a note of wonder– it felt as if that child was literally given to me, entrusted into my hands, with a note saying “Take care of her. She’s precious!”
At first, I didn’t think I would love Mandi. I thought I was only being sentimental, after having lost another daughter and being constantly hit by self-doubt about my maternal soul.
But loving Mandi wasn’t hard at all. She loved me with a heart so warm that mine just followed suit. I told her, “I love you too, my daughter.”
And then our bond could only grow over time.
From Mandi’s Eyes
I asked my daughter if she would be available to share her side of our mother-child story for this post. She did so willingly, so here below you can read her thoughts.
I think we all instinctively know our mothers.
I was cruising around on deviantART, the website where I posted much of my artwork and came across a very talented woman who was drawing family based pictures of her family of the heart and adopted children. Her name was Luana, and I had to know more. I’d never felt such a kinship to someone based solely on artwork. I loved what she was doing, and several other members of dA were her adopted children… and though I denied it at first, something in me said, “I wish I were her daughter.”
I did gather up the courage to talk to Luana.
(Wow, it feels strange calling her that, because she isn’t Luana to me, she’s Mom!) We got to know one another and sure enough, day by day, I felt more and more like one of her babies, and I knew I had to tell her. So one day, out of nowhere, I sent her a dA note saying, “Sweet Mommy Lu, I love you!” I didn’t expect it to turn into what it did; she wrote back, “I love you too, my Daughter!”
I was stunned. She sees ME as her daughter?! I didn’t think I was worthy of being one of her children, but she did, and that sealed it. We knew, from that moment into eternity, we were family.
Having Mommy Lu in my life has been… indescribable. Life would be boring and bland without her. She is always there with me to celebrate the good times and help me through the tough ones. She picks me up and dusts me off when I fall down and is always ready to cheer me on – truly, she is one of my loudest cheerleaders!
Some say she can’t be my mother, she didn’t give birth to me.
Well, to them, I say, she most certainly did! I grew not UNDER her heart, I grew IN it. She has raised me like a mother would, she’s taught me such valuable things about love and life that I can’t sum it up without writing an epic novel on the subject. (And believe me, if you let me, I would!) This woman changed my life, if not my diapers, and isn’t that TRULY what a mother does? Changes and shapes you and your world? Well, that’s what this woman has done for me, and it is such an honor to call her “Mom.”
So to you mothers who feel kinships with children who are not of your body, I say, do not trouble yourself with such piddly matters as “oh, I cannot be their mother, I was never pregnant with them.” You most certainly were! You were in your heart, where it matters most. I know; I am a mother who did not give physical birth to her daughter. I know I couldn’t and wouldn’t be the mother I am today without Luana; I was given the greatest gift to be her child, and another great one when I was able to go on and be someone else’s mother, as Luana has been for me.
Never doubt your MommySoul.
You ARE a mother if you feel it; listen to your heart and the baby growing inside of it; you’ll hear the truth loud and clear. I ought to know – I did.
I Have a Takeaway for You, Dear Mom Who’s Reading This…
You see, I think Mandi’s words in this post are all you need to hear. I couldn’t have said it better.
Please, reassure yourself that you can be a mother no matter what happens to yourself, your body, your life – and if your belly may not be able to carry a baby from conception to birth, it is and will always be a warm place for your adopted or spiritual child to rest her head on and look up to your eyes from, and say “I love you”.
Don’t worry and just say, “I love you, too”.
The post images are photos taken by my daughter Mandi Pope to show me daughterlove and a gift she bought for me. Used with permission.